


A Peculiar Way to Make an Offer

by RoxyPop



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Pirates, Sloppy Makeouts, Warlocks, dungeon diving, rogues - Freeform, sorcerors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 06:51:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19351702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoxyPop/pseuds/RoxyPop
Summary: The sisters Lalonde are adventurers, exploring the land, discovering lost relics, and battling their shared nemesis, Vriska Serket--until the notorious pirate finally gains the upper hand.





	A Peculiar Way to Make an Offer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Finder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finder/gifts).



The smell of seawater, sweat, and alcohol greets Roxy as they open their eyes. They make to get up, only to discover their arms chained above them, making lifting themself off the floor difficult, though not impossible for a dexterous thief like them. They look down at the still unconscious woman beside them, leaning over to nudge her in the ribs with the point of their boot.

“Rose, c’mon. Wake up.”

Rose mutters something incomprehensible and stays firmly unconscious, so Roxy nudges her more urgently.

“Wake up! Vriska got us.”

That brings Rose out of her magically induced stupor, and the look on her face is one of pure rage. She’s on her feet in an instant, pulling at her chains. A mess of insults and threats spew from her lips until the words get caught in her throat and are momentarily replaced with hacks and coughs, long enough for Roxy to speak again.

“Do you remember what happened?” They question, craning their neck so that they can examine the shackles keeping them bound. They’re high quality, which is to be expected. Their mutual rival does nothing in half measures, though it’s surprising that her two most notorious foes were left so poorly guarded. Her crew must be slacking.

“Somewhat,” Rose mutters, summoning her book of shadows before her and holding it up with a spectral, disembodied hand.

“Think you’ve got any sorcerer B.S. in that book to get us out of this?”

“First of all, I am a warlock, not a sorcerer. The distinction is important. A sorcerer draws her power from an internal connection to some wellspring of power. I draw mine from my pact with the great old ones, and I think I am far more versatile for it. Second, no. Escaping traps is your area of expertise, not mine.”

“Jeez, I gotta do everything, huh? Gimme a few minutes.”

\--

The dungeon Roxy and Rose had staked out for this particular expedition was not supposed to be difficult. It was a simple dungeon-crawl, in and out, grabbing whatever loot they could along the way and curbstomping whatever monsters thought they could stand up to the infamous Lalondes.

Obviously, things hadn’t gone quite as planned.

The instant they arrived, Rose’s keen eyes knew something was wrong. Doors were thrown open, traps either broken or set off… It was sloppy, but it was the work of someone powerful. The upside was that the dive into the crypt was relatively easy. What few foes they encountered were so weak or intimidated that Rose didn’t even have to expend a spell slot to finish them off. Between Roxy’s skill with bow and blade and Rose’s powerful eldritch blast, the dungeon held little they couldn’t overwhelm with force and finesse.

Until they arrived in the final room, which is where the downside revealed itself.

“Well, well, well! Look who it is. Here to mooch off my victory again?”

Rose recognized the voice instantly.

“We’ve had this dungeon staked out for weeks, Vriska!! Go back to plundering ships and get off our turf!” Roxy called, drawing their rapier and taking a defensive stance.

A small figure with bluish-gray skin stepped out of the shadows, holding what looked like a pile of gems in her prosthetic hand. Blue painted lips curled into a smirk, her one intact eye looking over the two humans in front of her.

“But if I did that, then we wouldn’t get to have moments like these! You know you love it,” she teased. “Have you thought about my offer?”

Her facade of cocky indifference was just that--a facade. Rose knew the instant they tried to pounce, Vriska would launch a spell at them without even a thought. They had to be careful.

“As if we’d ever join a fuckin’ pirate crew! Get real. We’re adventurers, but we aren’t bastards.”

Rose muttered an incantation to herself as Roxy bantered with Vriska, preparing herself for Vriska’s first spell.

“Aw, that’s just too bad. Well, if you won’t come willingly, then I suppose I can’t have you ruining all of my  _ awesome _ adventures. Thank goodness I finally found these, huh?” Vriska brandished the crystals like a weapon, showing them off. “With these, you two won’t stand a  _ chance _ of beating me.”

“We’ll see about that!” With that, Roxy launched themself at Vriska, jabbing with their rapier. Vriska dodged out of the way with ease and dipped out of Roxy’s range, crossing the room. She tossed the crystals onto the cobblestone floor, and they began to glow.

Rose squinted in the dim light and inhaled sharply. How had Vriska gotten her hands on those?

“Roxy, get-” was all Rose got out before the numbered sides of the perfectly geometric crystals began to glow. Before either of them had a chance to react, they blacked out.

\--

“She has the fluorite octet,” Roxy hears as they slip their lockpick from their sleeves. “I’m not sure how she found it. It was supposed to have been lost a thousand years ago, buried with the body of some ancient elf in the sea,” Rose mutters, combing through the arcane texts. “It’s a set of eight-sided dice that can cast various spells depending on what number they roll. The lower level spells are somewhat laughable, things like  _ Druidcraft _ or  _ Thaumaturgy _ , but with a higher number she could even cast  _ Wish _ .”

“Spooky. Who ever heard of an eight-sided die? What would you even use that for.” Roxy pays her just enough attention to spit a witty retort, focusing on trying to pick the lock of their shackles without being able to really see it. The position is uncomfortable for their wrist, but if they twist just right…

They listen and feel for the clicks of the pins, their tongue poking from their lips as they concentrate. The first pin is set, the second, the third isn’t moving easily so they move on. The fourth pin clicks, the fifth, the sixth, and then they return to the start. One has fallen out of place, three finally clicks, four and-

The shackles fall to the ground with a clatter and they smirk. “Vriska still hasn’t changed the locks since last time. What does she think we are, amateurs?”

Rose holds her wrists forward and presents the shackles to be picked. Roxy makes quick work of them and then sets to work on the door--only to find that it isn’t even locked.

Never has an unlocked door been so encouraging and so foreboding.

\--

Vriska knows Roxy and Rose are going to escape. They always do, quicker and quicker each time. It’s exciting, really, watching them grow more and more powerful with each meeting. Vriska got her start decades before them thanks to her elven longevity, but it hardly feels like a head start at all sometimes. Roxy is probably the best lockpick in the business, certainly better than Vriska, though she’d never admit that. Even though Rose has an absolutely pitiable number of spell slots, her magic is strong! Strong enough to intimidate even Vriska at times. If she’d gotten off a  _ Counterspell _ on Vriska’s  _ Sleep, _ that battle likely would have gone very differently.

Thanks to the fluorite octet, though, she’ll never have to worry about that again.

This artifact has completely changed the tide of their rivalry. There’s nothing she can’t do with a tool like this, especially with her luck! It once belonged to an ancestor of hers, the legendary pirate Mindfang. The dice were thought to be lost at sea along with her body, but Vriska knew better. Her family was entrusted with Mindfang’s journal, and Vriska understood that her ancestor had been gifted with a sort of foresight. She knew exactly what would happen to her, and she’d encoded the location of her dice within her journal. Those Lalondes had almost beat her to it by chance too, but thank the gods she’d gotten there first.

Vriska leaned back in her quarters, steepling her fingers and sighing contentedly. Everything was coming together for her! It was all so exciting. Soon, she’d have everything she needed to--

Her thoughts were interrupted by the doors to her quarters slamming open. She jumped and cursed under her breath, spinning in her chair to face her guests. Before she could say a word, a rapier and a wand were both aimed directly at her neck.

The smirk on her lips spoke louder volumes than any words could have.

“You kidnapped us,” Rose uttered. “You could have left us there and simply escaped, but instead you brought us to your ship.”

“Wow! Congratulations on noticing the obvious. Any other accusations you want to level at your  _ gracious host _ , Rose?” Vriska’s grin didn’t waver, blue lips curled into an expression of sheer confidence.

“You only bring us here when you want something. What is it, Serket?” Roxy responded, their gaze just as deadly as Rose’s, but with something else beneath it, something… Open. Perfect.

“Maybe I just brought two of my good friends here so that we could sha-”

The weapons twitched forward and Vriska halted in her words.

“I see you aren’t in the mood for fun. Unfortunate! But not unworkable. Here’s the long and short of it then!” Vriska pushed her chair back a little bit, putting some distance between blade and bolt. “I have a problem, and that problem’s name is the sisters Lalonde! But I  _ also _ have an even  _ bigger _ problem, and I think you can help me with it.”

“Why would we help you?” Rose snapped, interrupting Roxy before they could even get a word out.

Vriska leaned forward and smirked. “Because it’s your problem too.”

The sisters exchanged a look. They lowered their weapon, Rose standing defiantly while Roxy leaned on Vriska’s desk. “Keep talking,” Roxy responded, and Vriska’s grin widened.

“Rose, I’m sure you’ve felt it. You’ve felt your powers… wavering. Roxy, you aren’t as in tune with the arcane forces in the world, I know, but surely you’ve heard the rumors passing around the underworld. The threads of our world are coming undone! And there’s a reason for it.” Vriska paused. Nobody said a word, knowing and nervous glances alike passing around the room. “I can stop it. I know I can, especially with these,” she brandished her dice again, but then her face fell into grave seriousness. “But I can’t do it alone. I’ve already recruited some friends of mine, but you two… you’re something special. With you two, we can’t lose!”

There was a silence that stretched far too long for Vriska’s tastes. Come on, say something already! She sighed and rolled her eyes.

“SO? Answer already!!!!”

More silence. It almost looked like they were having a conversation, but neither of them had said a word…

“Stop talking psychically, oh my gods! You warlocks are so fucking annoying, just say things out loud like a normal person!!!!”

“We have no obligation to tell you a thing,” Rose spat.

“Yes you do! You are in my cabin on my ship discussing MY PLAN!!!!”

“You kill people for sport. Why the hell would we associate with you?” Roxy questioned.

“Okay, first of all, that was a LONG time ago, and second of all it was NOT for sport!!! Have  _ you  _ ever grown up in the church of Lolth? It sucks!!!! She sucks!!!!”

“She has a point, Roxy, Lolth is very demanding of her acolytes.”

“That doesn’t excuse murder!”

“Roxy, we murdered people last week for trying to arrest us.”

“Yeah, but that was different!! We had to!”

“My mom was the high priestess of Lolth!!!! I had to kill people too!!!!”

“Vriska, with all due respect, I am on your side here, but do not yell at my sister.”

“Oh, why don’t you two just kiss already!” Roxy huffed, crossing their arms. There was a slight awkward silence. Vriska swore that Rose’s dark cheeks flushed just a bit redder.

“Oh, my god,” she giggled. “WHAT!!!! REALLY!!!! That’s so precious, oh my GOD, as if you could  _ ever _ measure up to me!” Vriska laughed.

Rose’s face was  _ definitely _ red now, and she stomped around Vriska to grab her by the collar, lifting her up out of her chair with surprising strength. Vriska’s laughs stopped abruptly, and she looked at the Lalonde with genuine fear in her eyes.

In an instant, Rose’s lips were on hers, and she squealed and flailed her arms like a child. The kiss wasn’t ceasing, Rose wasn’t pulling away, holy shit she was getting kissed by one of her longest time rivals and it was  _ awesome. _

Vriska felt Rose’s tongue teasing at her lips and let out a little whimper, her eyes shutting. Her hands moved to Rose’s hair, twisting through the blonde waves and pulling her closer. She let out a little whine as she felt Rose’s own fingers tugging at her hair, pulling her back and away and--ow, ow, ow what the--

Oh, that wasn’t Rose’s hand at all. Suddenly Roxy was just as close as Rose, gripping her by the hair and pulling her in for another kiss. Roxy was far more gentle than Rose, sucking at her bottom lip and moving with her. It was wet and sloppy, with little moans slipping past their lips as they moved against each other. Vriska barely had a moment to enjoy it before Rose was pulling her back, biting and forcing her tongue past Vriska’s lips. Rose was aggressive, forceful, demanding, and Vriska loved it. She felt a softer pair of lips pressing against her skin, moving along her neck and shoulder, tugging her collar out of the way to expose the dark skin beneath.

By the time they spoke again, each of them was covered in lipstick stains with mussed up hair and wide, blown-out pupils. They panted and grinned at each other, before Vriska’s lips cocked into a grin.

“So is that a yes, then?”

**Author's Note:**

> whoof! getting this out was a hell of a thing thanks to a couple of factors, but i managed to get it done. i know its short, but i hope you enjoy it and it was tons of fun to work on, so thanks for the interesting prompt!


End file.
